Perspective: Breaking the Cage of the Self
- Zhenjia Zhang
- Sep 7
- 6 min read
“First, you make the flowers very thin, then put them in the rolling paper, add the filter, roll it up, and finally you lick the edge to seal it. That’s it,” says my friend Frances Sacks, as she teaches me how to roll a joint for the very first time.
She takes a quick puff, hands it over to me, and says, “Now you try it.” I take it and begin my adventure. To be honest, it feels just like smoking a cigarette, and I don’t notice anything different. I pass it to my other friend, Charlie Finnerty, who is also here to “supervise” me.
As we smoke and pass around the same roll, I am reminded of the American film American Beauty, which I watched when I was in China. Back then, I thought they were smoking a cigarette and wondered why they were all sharing one.
“That’s because it’s weed,” Finnerty says. Now I know.
And here I am, a Chinese person sitting on the lawn in Bryant Park during sunset, with my two American friends sharing a handmade joint. Everything looks perfectly normal, as if we’re just having a picnic. But I know I’ve crossed a line — not only a moral one, but also a legal line in my country: I could end up in jail and be fined, even for smoking abroad, under China’s Anti-Drug Law.
I had been told my entire life that cannabis could destroy my health and my future. I had no reason to doubt that until I came to America and saw many of my friends smoking weed and going about their lives normally.
That’s both an exciting and scary proposition.
The Marihuana Regulation and Taxation Act was signed into law on March 31st, 2021, legalizing adult-use cannabis in New York State and establishing the Office of Cannabis Management and the Cannabis Control Board.
Since then, access to the drug has skyrocketed, especially among young adults. Approximately two million adults in New York reported using cannabis in 2023, according to a Department of Health report. Adults aged 21–24 reported the highest rates of use compared to other age groups. In addition, recreational cannabis sales in New York reached over $1 billion in the first two years, according to a 2024 report.
Together, these numbers suggest that recreational marijuana has already been normalized and has established a huge market in New York. This means I am not breaking any laws by smoking weed.
Yet, as a Chinese native, I was constrained by several dogmas during my youth.
All Chinese people have heard the saying, 「國有國法，家有家規」(“A country has its laws, and a family has its rules.”) At home, the rule was to obey my parents; at school, the rule was to study hard and make progress every day. Anything that deviated from this path was seen as non-mainstream, unacceptable, and morally condemned.
Activities such as smoking, drinking, dating, getting tattoos, reading novels, or pursuing personal interests were considered unrelated to the Gaokao — China’s high-stakes college entrance exam — and thus seen as a waste of time and life. I had been disciplined since childhood, and I always believed that authority could not be challenged.
In my final year of high school, my teacher hung a large red banner on the classroom wall that read: “Why do you need so many hours of sleep every day? You will sleep forever after death.”
The poster pushed me to toil for the Gaokao. I studied from early morning until midnight, day after day, believing that hard work would guarantee me a bright future. But in the end, the Gaokao was so competitive that I only got into an ordinary university and became an ordinary student like many others, continuing to follow rules like a marionette controlled by the school.
Now I understand that the Gaokao is simply a talent-screening system that reflects China’s current national conditions, but it is not suitable for everyone.
This is true for the education system, and it is also true for the use of cannabis. When I was in China, I never had any access to weed. I used to think that anyone who smoked cannabis was an unforgivable criminal, and official warnings about its health risks kept me away from it. For me, this was the bottom line that cannot be questioned.
But New York changed that perspective. Having lived here for years and marveled at the diversity of the land, I realized that rules are not always based on truth, but freedom is an attainable dream. Though I had long known there were cultural differences between East and West, it wasn’t until I experienced them firsthand that I began to break free from the worldview I had internalized since childhood. I could start seeing China’s systems and taboos through an “external lens.”
The moment I shared the plan with my younger sister in China, she bombarded me with questions: “What if you get addicted? What if your friends trick you? What if you lose control of yourself?”
Her words made me hesitant and anxious. After researching Chinese domestic laws and anti-drug campaigns and comparing them with studies and policies in New York State, I found that Chinese laws are paternalistic and strictly prohibitive, aiming to protect its people by eliminating the public’s right to choose. In contrast, New York — where cannabis is legal — provides a more open environment, publicizing both pros and cons and giving people the right to choose and make their own judgments.
As someone who has pursued freedom all my life, I had lots of questions in my mind. Should China be deprived of the right to free choice just because of its large population? Does the Chinese government simply not believe that its people should have their own judgment? Or is this a disguised extension of the hierarchy that has existed for thousands of years?
In reality, I am not opposed to China’s discipline, since its purpose is to prevent deeper social chaos. However, after smoking weed — a violation of Chinese law — I felt an unprecedented sense of freedom. It’s not that cannabis itself has some magic; rather, it simply helps me break free from the cage of self‑consciousness. I am no longer a product of social discipline, but a person with free thoughts who can make her own choices. The breaking and rebirth of this inner system of self-cognition thrilled me extremely.
A couple of puffs later, I feel nothing.
But after I get home, maybe around two or three hours later, a wave of bliss washes over me. Even the mundane act of scrolling through my phone becomes fascinating. I burst out laughing in the middle of the night in my bedroom, and think, “Maybe this is what being 'high’ feels like.”
The “high” soon turns into a headache and a bout of insomnia that distresses me. This makes the experience confusing and contradictory: uplifting, but not entirely pleasant. Other Chinese people have similar feelings too.
“After smoking weed, my brain relaxed, although my reaction slows down, but my senses become more intense, and I feel very happy,” says Jennifer Kang, a Chinese native who has been living in New York for more than a decade.
“My first time, I was actually a little paranoid,” says Maria, another Chinese native who prefers not to share her last name for security reasons. “But I got used to it. I don’t worry too much, and it makes me think positively."
However, when it comes to China’s zero tolerance on cannabis, Kang thinks it’s outdated and overly harsh.
“China’s control over cannabis is nonsense. Society is progressing, but China has always seemed to dislike the idea of letting people having fun.” Kang says. “A lot of things are banned simply because they’re fun, because if everyone is out enjoying themselves, who’s left to be the workhorse?”
Inside a dispensary in Midtown Manhattan, the vibe feels almost soothing. Weed is not something to hide but something to display openly.
The space is bright and minimalist, with clean white walls and neatly labeled jars arranged by type: edibles, drinks, flowers, vapes. A self-order kiosk lines one side of the room, making it easy for regulars to check out quickly.
Staff members are ready to help newcomers, explaining dosage, effects, and how not to overdose. The atmosphere feels more like walking into an Apple Store—except it’s for weed.
“Licensed stores like ours are able to carry upwards of 1,000 products that are state-tested,” says George Vlamis, Co-Founder of Qube Dispensary. “They don't contain narcotics, molds, or pesticides, so they’re safe to consume.”
But freedom without information isn’t liberation, especially for first-time users like me.
“It can get you relaxed or get you motivated, creative, energetic, depending on the strain that you smoke and whether it’s a hybrid, indica, or sativa,” Vlamis says. “It’s good to use moderately.”
For me, trying weed is not only about seeking a high, but also about challenging the dogmatism I internalized since childhood, increasing self‑awareness, and questioning authority.
Looking back at when I laughed out loud in my bedroom during my first high, I started to understand the complexity of freedom. It’s not just about legal access, but about individuals taking the initiative to understand the pros and cons of a thing, learning and trusting their own judgment, and making self-responsible decisions.
Cannabis was just the entry point. What I truly discovered was an open door in the cage I never realized I was living in.
